The laws according To John MOSES Browning

[towerclimber37]

As translated from the original ancient manuscripts.

1 In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, "Thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it workith. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain."

2 "And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm."

3 And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

4 Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.

5 And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle. (a.)*see footnotes

6 And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

7 Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

8 And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.

9 And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.

10 But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

11 And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

12 Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.

13 And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation ( by the followers of John.

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a Several old manuscripts add the following text. "And they [also rendered as "these men"] didst chamber it for cartridges who's calibers startith with numbers less than the Holy Number 4. And lo the Lord did cause great grief amongst these men when their enemies who were struck in battle with these lesser numbers didst not fall but did continue to cause great harm."

b or Hell

Remember for the faithful, the feast day of St. John Moses Browning is January 23.

[Guest Loaded247]

I like it...

[towerclimber37]

I thought some of us might!

heheheh I especially like the foot note about carrying a weapon with a number less than the holy number 4. as tungsten says, 9mm is a 45 on stun and real men don't stun.

[Marswolf]

I've always said that the 1911 was an excellent handgun - for World War I.

[towerclimber37]

heh.. and old man like you? complaining about the age of something that works as exquisitly as a 1911??

now now mars! I hope when YOU get that old you work HALF as well.

[Guest Steelharp]

I've always said that the 1911 was an excellent handgun - for World War I.

And II... and 'Nam... and lots of other times and places the "job" had to get done...

If I was stuck with hardball to keep from "causing undue suffering to the enemy combatants," I'd want a 1911 in .45. Since I'm a civilian and can use JHP, I like 9mm just fine.

[towerclimber37]

well said mike!

[Guest jackdog]

Hey tower that's cute. Prior to Glock I carried the 1911, but if old dogs learn new tricks.

[towerclimber37]

hahahah thanks.

Mars is a little touchy about his glock though..I figured it would tweak him..

mars, its ok to be insecure about your firearm..I mean..I KNOW that ONE day, some military will come along and just say that they can't do without them!

one day they'll grow up and get the chance to prove themselves in battle...then they can be JUST like the 1911...venerable, tried and true and absolutely, without a doubt, one of the best pistols on the planet.:D

[Guest Len]

I thought this was great, even though my mind is clouded by the lord of the underworld's plastic pistol.

I will say that I have not foresaken all of my intelligence, have read my un-holy manual of arms, and have yet to accidentally discharge upon the land (or my foot).

Finally, scholars of the ancient texts continue to debate the precise translation of the original. Some prophets today such as Gaston the Austrian contend the ancient script "1911" in actuality translates to "G19," as in many ancient texts one sees both the "11" and the "G" used interchangably.

-Len

[Guest GlocKingTN]

well said mike!

Yes it was!

[towerclimber37]

Message deleted ...wanted to quote len so I could make him laugh

[towerclimber37]

I thought this was great, even though my mind is clouded by the lord of the underworld's plastic pistol.

I will say that I have not foresaken all of my intelligence, have read my un-holy manual of arms, and have yet to accidentally discharge upon the land (or my foot).

Finally, scholars of the ancient texts continue to debate the precise translation of the original. Some prophets today such as Gaston the Austrian contend the ancient script "1911" in actuality translates to "G19," as in many ancient texts one sees both the "11" and the "G" used interchangably.

-Len

OH!!! Blasphemy!! Heretic!!!! yer going to HELL Lennie!! HELL I say!!!

just kidding...but it WAS funny!

[Guest Len]

"...wanted to quote len so I could make him laugh"

Mission accomplished Tower!

-Len

[Guest jackdog]

Hey Len that's excellent

[Marswolf]

Let me be kinda' seeming-sorta partially serious for a minute....

The 45ACP was a good round for WWII and Korea. You've probably seen me post about the M1911 being good for commies coming over the berm. That was exactly what was needed in Korea and WWII (substitute Nazis for commies). Mass frontal attacks against fortified positions require killing up close and personal. The 45 is great for that. I might add that it is appropriate for what is happening in Iraq and Afghanistan right now. You need to stop people who are right on top of you, who these days may be on drugs.

Vietnam (my war) was different. Have I told you how old I am?

The firing distance there tended to be a bit farther out. The M1911 didn't work out as well there and that was one reason we went to 9mm in the 80s.

I trained at Fort Bragg under a legendary Sgt named Marcovich. He was the local equivalent of Sgt. Plumley of We Were Soldiers fame. He'd been through three tours in Nam and his job was to teach us to stay alive. His job was also to cut the ones who couldn't survive from those of us who would. Our training class started with 20 men and finished with six.

It was on his recommendation that I did not carry a 1911 in Vietnam. It was the wrong tool for that war and that was weight that could be used for more M16 ammo. I followed his advice, and on one patrol I needed that extra ammunition.

[RandyC]

I'm glad to see a topic meant to be light and humorous remain so. It speaks highly of our membership here.

I shoot a 1911 but I've missed the last coupla JMB worship services.

It may be time for an intervention, at least a visitation from the local congregation.

I'm just glad everybody here is carrying something that goes bang.

[molonlabetn]

...so I pulled over to the first range on the right

And I feel so good, ain't no doubt

Wanna laugh and shout about it

'Cause I once carried tupperware

But I don't carry tupperware no more

Well, I heard a cop shot his leg today

"Only fires when you pull the trigger", they say

...doesn't matter if it's not a finger

And I feel so good, ain't no doubt

Wanna laugh and shout about it

'Cause I once carried tupperware

But I don't carry tupperware no more

My heart is jumpin' and my head is swimmin'

And I want to arm all men and women

Oh I feel so good, ain't no doubt

Wanna laugh and shout about it

'Cause I once carried tupperware

But I don't carry tupperware no more

On that joyful day, yes on that glorious day

The day I threw my Glocks away

The angel told me, "Oh, ye man of sin,

Open up your bleeding heart and let John Browning in!"

And I feel so good, ain't no doubt

Wanna laugh and shout about it

'Cause I once carried tupperware

Buuu-ut I do-ooon't car-ry tupperwaaa--a-aaaare no mooooore!

[towerclimber37]

hahahaha NICE!

I like it MolonLabeTN!

Mars is TOTALLY on point with his post! +1 for the Geezer (ahem...mighty Oracle).. He is a good arguement for the axiom of "age begets wisdom"

With every type of mission, there's a different tool that can be used...some can be multipurpose.

Browning made the 1911 originally (so I understand) for the US Navy to stop pirates off the barbary coast. At the time, I believe the Navy issued a 38 revolver....the webley (yah, I know..a limey gun)..thats the story I heard as to why it came into military service. I may not be correct on that though....

to put a point on what I'm trying to say, That pistol was made to knock a man flat at about 15-30 feet.

I personally carry a 9mm Browning(still a part of his flock) HiPower. with JHP, it does quite well. I like the ballistics, I like the penetration and I definitely like what it does to a block of clay (thats the closest I could come to ballistic Gellatin).

the recoil isn't that bad for me, I'm a little guy with small strong hands..but I see no reason to break my wrists plus the control I get with that smaller round allows me to be back on target faster and more accurately.

there's that and (I'm ashamed to say) my accuracy goes to heck when I shoot a 45...never could get the hang of that dang gun! I guess I'll have to buy one and put 10,000 rounds down range before I figure it out.

[kckndrgn]

I loved it, just one question. Do you have a NIV version so it reads a little better? All those "thou's" and "lo's" make it just too hard to read LOL

[towerclimber37]

hahahah! change it to suit yourself!

I got it from http://www.1911.org where I hang out in the browning Hipower forum.

You have to admit...guys like Garand,Browning and szabo were incredible!