Air Traffic Control humor

[Guest possumbarnes]

Some of these are pretty good! Enjoy and .

ATC Quotes | Aviation Humor

[buck1032]

Awesome. LOL

[Guest m&pc9]

I was here in 1944 but I didnt land.

[Mechanic_X]

I like these.

SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul reported one exchange. His SR-71 was screaming across Southern California, 13 miles high and its crew were monitoring cockpit chatter as they entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control the SR-71, LA monitored its movement across their scope. The SR-71 crew heard a Cessna ask for a readout of groundspeed.

"90 knots" Center replied.

Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same.

"120 knots," Center answered.

An F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout."

Center (after a slight pause): "525 knots on the ground, Dusty".

The SR-71 realised how ripe a situation this was for one-upmanship: "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?"

Center (after a longer than normal pause): "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"

No further groundspeed inquiries were heard on that frequency.

In similar vein (airport not stated), an SR-71 crew were listening in on a similar "match this" contest. A Cessna asked to clear to 4000 ft, a corporate jet requested clearance to 12,000, an airliner to 18,000, etc. Finally the SR-71 called ATC.

SR-71: "Request clearance to 80,000 ft"

Tower: "Just how in hell do you plan to get up there?"

SR-71: "Uh Tower, I'm descending to 80,000".

[dlm37015]

i saw an sr71 land and take off one time i was blown away

[hipower]

SR-71 "Uh Tower, I'm descending to 80,000." Freakin' great return. Gotta love those old Blackbirds!

[Spook]

If you are ever up in the Northern Virginia area near WDC, visit the Udvar-Hazy Center, part of the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. It is near Dulles Airport and they have an amazing array of aircraft to include an SR-71, the original and restored Enola Gay, a Boeing 707 and a Concorde. Its all indoors under one roof.

Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird - Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum

[hipower]

Spook, I was nearby there on a return trip from Pennslyvania a few years ago, saw the signs and managed a short stop. It is an awesome experience. One that I hope to repeat someday.

I've always been fascinated by the SR-71, and seeing the Enola Gay just sent chills thru me.

[Spook]

Good for you. I like the way they have the Concorde and the 707 parked next to each other and you walk under the Concorde wing. The view into the Enola Gay cockpit is indeed chilling. You gotta wonder how those guys did it. The Space Shuttle trainer is nice, too.

[Mechanic_X]

This is in Dayton at the Air Force Museum". Droped bomb on Nagasaki.

Back on track....

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.

Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

[monkeylizard]

i saw an sr71 land and take off one time i was blown away

When I was a kid (1st through 3rd grade) we were stationed at Kadena AFB on Okinawa. It was one of 2 forward bases for the SR-71. There, we called it the Habu after a local very deadly black snake. It was amazing that every time that thing went up, people all over the base came out to watch it. Even the F-15 fighter pilots stood in their front lawns loking up. Night launches were awesome. You could watch those orange afterburners for what seemed like forever, then hear the roar long after the orange dots were gone from view.

We had a 2nd grade field trip to the SR-71 hangar. We couldn't go in it, but got meet the pilots and crew, touch the wing, put on the space helmets, and eat food from a toothpaste tube. Peaches, yum. Take that, lame Nashville Children's Theater field trips.

[peejman]

One of Dad's USAF buddies told me a neat Blackbird story a long time ago...

He decided to do some recreational flying (he's a private pilot) early one saturday morning in the 1970's. He arrived at the base (I forget which one) pre-dawn and began to taxi just as the horizon began to light up. As he taxi'd around for take-off the tower instructed him to hold his position for 20 seconds. He asked why and the order was simply repeated. He stopped and looked around. A blue-ish light across the field caught his eye and he saw hanger doors coming open. He said it was behind him at a bad angle so it was hard to see. Something black appeared in the hanger door accompanied by a deafening roar. He said the black plane was airborne and out of sight faster than he could imagine. All he could see was the two blue/white dots in the sky. He sat there in a daze trying to figure out what he'd just seen. The tower snapped him out of it by saying "Cleared for runway __)". He said "What that what I think it was?" The tower responded "Was what...?". That base was not a typical base of operations for the SR-71. He did some snooping and found out that the plane had an emergency and had landed in the middle of the night a couple days prior. Whatever the problem was had been fixed and he just happened to be there when it left.

A couple years ago I got to meet and have a presentation from Col. Rich Graham, former pilot and Wing Commander. Neat guy with some neat stories. His books are good to read. www.habu.org - The Online Blackbird Museum - Col. Rich Graham (Ret-USAF)

[Guest mustangdave]

A couple summers ago...on my return trip from the left coast, I was at a rest stop off I-70 in Missouri ...and heard a low flying aircraft...the noise was so that i could immediately pinpont where it was coming from until it was almost right on top of me...a B-2 Spirit was on approach and maybe 200 feet off the deck...talk about COOL...